Who can I trust? Who can I go to when I am struggling? Who has my back?

Does this sound like you?

As we all emerge from this pandemic, slowly but surely, most of us are finding the reconnection with our social lives a bit rusty. Even those of us who know ourselves to be extroverted or socially engaged are feeling unsure of ourselves. While this can be hugely uncomfortable, perhaps even alarming, this is an opportunity for us to really consider the social choices we are making. Who are the people in our lives that we can trust to be our most vulnerable with? Who holds us up? Where do we find the support that we need?

Most of us reevaluate these questions frequently, but emerging from this year plus of isolation and uncertainty is raising the stakes for us. Especially if we are mothers and parents. Nobody is meant to raise a child alone, and yet this is what many of us feel like we are doing. And when that is the case, we will inevitably feel some loneliness, sadness, and worry- perhaps even depression and anxiety.

So… Let’s figure out who our people are.

With respect to the image below:

1. INNER CIRCLE: In this small space go the few people who you can truly be your most honest self with. These are the people who you can call in a crises. The people who you can answer honestly when they ask “How are you?” The people who will truly stop and pause and show up when you need them most. Important that you have at least two people in this circle (ie, not just your partner).

2. MIDDLE CIRCLE: In this medium sized circle go the people in your life who hold you up, so to speak. These people may not be your confidants- but they certainly add to your life. Ideas: neighbors, friends, colleagues, etc who are available to help walk your dog, care for your children, bring you food when you have had a baby or are sick, share ideas and advice when you are in need. Perhaps in this circle you even have mail carriers, garbage pick up teams, and any other people who help you run your life.

3. OUTER CIRCLE: In this largest circle are the supports that are available to you should you need them. Think: Therapists and other providers, groups, books, websites, etc.

And this, my friend, becomes your village. If you slow down and are mindful about your choices, you can use this exercise to help you decide where to spend your energy, when to say “yes” vs “no” and where to show up fully with others.

If we chose, we can all enter life with more integrity and authenticity than we ever have before.